The Talk
by azure37410
Summary: If there was any doubt in Erhard's mind about whether Naofumi assaulted Myne or not, it was cleared one faithful day. (Or Naofumi's never had "the talk" and it's up to Erhard to be the adult in this situation.) Warning: Mentions of rape and sex (nothing explicit). Slightly AU.
1. The Talk

**So, this was a scene I wrote in the comments section of the story "The Effort to Make Things Better" by Nightwing15 on AO3. I was kind of proud of it, so I decided to post it as an official story there and now here. It was written pretty quick, so if there are any ooc moments, plot holes, or other such things, that's why. It was inspired by a similar scene in "Kaguya-Sama, Love is War."**

**XXX**

Naofumi sighed. "Honestly, I don't get why this rape accusation is even such a big deal. They're acting like I killed someone or something..."

Erhard, who had been polishing a sword, suddenly paused. Slowly putting said weapon on the counter, he looked at Naofumi with a frown. "Of course it's a big deal. Kid, it's rape."

"But 'rape' is just having sex with someone when they don't want to right?"

Erhard's frown deepened. "Yes, kid, and it's a major crime. Maybe even worse than murder."

Now it was Naofumi's turn to frown. "Why? I mean, sex is just kissing naked right? If someone doesn't want it, I don't understand why they can't just, like, punch them or knee them in the crotch or something."

Erhard dropped whatever he was using to polish with and gave Naofumi a look of utter disbelief. "K-Kid... What did you just say?"

"I said they could just pu-"

"No, before that!"

Naofumi blinked and frowned deeper in puzzlement. "I said sex is just kissing naked so what's the big deal?"

There was utter silence.

"...Did... Did your parents never have the talk with you?"

"What talk? What are you talking about?" Naofumi asked, getting a bit irritated at this point.

Erhard sighed and buried his face in his hands, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like "god, give me strength." He took a deep breath and looked at him seriously. "Naofumi, do you know where babies come from?"

Naofumi scoffed. "Of course I do. I'm an adult."

"...So where do they come from?"

Naofumi looked at him with the utmost seriousness. "Kissing."

"..."

"..."

"...Kissing."

"Kissing."

"..."

"..."

The staring contest between them lasted for roughly five more seconds before Erhard gave the heaviest sigh Naofumi had ever heard come from another human being. He blinked and watched in confusion as the older man walked over to the door and opened it, whispered something to Raphtalia who was waiting outside, then changed the "open" sign to "closed" and walked back to Naofumi.

His confusion grew as the man walked into the back room and came out a few seconds later dragging two chairs with him. He put them side by side, sat on one, and motioned to the other. "Kid, sit down."

Naofumi glared, feeling a bit nervous. "Why?"

"If your parents aren't going to give you 'the talk,' then as an adult it's my responsibility."

"'The talk?'"

"Just sit down."

"...Fine."

He was still a bit nervous, but Erhard had been one of the few people who believed in him till now, so he guessed he could trust him this once. Once he sat down, Erhard leaned over and began to whisper to him.

From the window, a worried Raphtalia watched the situation unfold. She had been waiting for Naofumi-sama outside when Erhard had suddenly come out, told her that he needed to have a personal talk with Naofumi-sama and to not let anyone in. Slightly confused, she agreed. She couldn't help but peek inside, however, wanting to make sure Naofumi-sama was safe.

Erhard was whispering something to him.

At first, Naofumi had a look of irritated confusion.

Then just confusion.

Then his eyes started to widen.

XXX15 MINUTES LATERXXX

Raphtalia jumped back with a squeak as the door burst in to reveal Naofumi, his face bright red and the beginnings of tears in the corners of his eyes.

"RAPHTALIA!"

"Y-Yes?!"

"You are absolutely not allowed to do that until you get married, okay?!"

Raphtalia just blinked. "O...Okay?"

"GOOD!"

Behind them, Erhard gave another sigh as he stared at the two. "Kid...I'm worried about you."

Before they left, he grabbed Raphtalia by the shoulder and whispered to her to keep Naofumi away from any dark alleys.

"It's for his own safety."

"O-Oh, okay!"


	2. The Trial

**I made a sequel.**

**Why?**

**Why not?**

**Again, this was written very quickly. So if there are any ooc moments or inconsistancies, that's why.**

**Enjoy this stupid thing I made.**

**XXX**

_Summary:_

_Ironically, it was during Myne's trial that Naofumi's deepest, darkest secret gets revealed._

* * *

Finally, it was the day of vindication. The day Myne's, or should he say Malty's, dirty secrets got revealed.

Of course, a lot more than he expected to get revealed did. Her relationship with the church (not surprising), her attempt to assassinate Melty (also not surprising), along with her admittance that she didn't intend for the church to try and assassinate all four of the heroes (a bit surprising).

But now, it was the moment of truth. The one question that meant the most to Naofumi.

"Malty," Queen Mirellia said. "Did the Shield Hero assault you?"

Malty, still heaving in pain from her temporary slave crest, looked up at her. "Th-That's right! The Devil of the Shield tried to rape me!"

No sooner had she said that did the crest activate, sending waves of pain through her body. She let out a shriek of pain before falling onto the ground, unable to take it anymore.

"No way..." Itsuki murmured with wide eyes.

"Myne... So she really did..." Ren mumbled.

"H-Hold on!" Of course, it would be Motoyasu who objected. "Wh-Who's to say that you aren't activating that slave crest! Huh?!"

Mirellia leveled him with a cool look. "And, pray tell, why would I do that?"

Motoyasu paused for a moment before resuming his glare. "I-I don't know! But I refused to believe that Myne would lie about something like this! We've been in the same party for months now! I know she wouldn't!" He shouted desperately.

Naofumi gave him a look. _'She's probably got him wrapped around her little finger. I honestly feel kind of sorry for him...'_

"Would you like to put a slave crest on her then?" Mirellia asked.

This had Motoyasu taken aback. "Wh-What?"

"Then you can question her yourself. And you won't be able to accuse me of an bias."

"Th-That's..." He looked at Myne and then back at the queen. "I-I can't put a slave crest on a girl! I'm not Naofumi!"

_'...Never mind. He just pisses me off,'_ Naofumi thought to himself, giving the Spear Hero an irritated look.

The Queen seemed to think for a moment before coming to a decision. "Alright, how about this. Naofumi," she said, causing him to look at her. "I'm sure this was enough to convince everyone else, but it seems the Spear Hero is a bit...denser."

"Hey!" Said Spear Hero shouted.

"If you want to convince him, we'll have to bring someone who willing to vouch for you, is male, and has convincing evidence that you couldn't have done this. Do you know anyone like that?"

Naofumi frowned and thought. The Spear Hero was an idiot, so he didn't really care what he thought. And he couldnt' really think of anyone like that either. "Not that I know of... Well, there is one guy, but I don't know if he has anything that counts as 'convincing evidence...'"

"Alright, bring him in!" Motoyasu interrupted. "If you have a good enough alibi, then I'll admit that you didn't do anything to Myne!" He shouted. It was clear from his expression that he didn't actually believe that anything the witness said would be convincing enough. "And I'll be the one who puts the slave crest on him! Any of you would probably just cheat."

Naofumi gave him a half-lidded glare. "Hey, you know it's up to him if he actually wants to come, right?"

Mirellia sighed. "Alright, who is this man? I'll personally ask him."

Realizing that there was no other way, Naofumi gave his own sigh. "Well..."

* * *

And that was how Erhard found himself before the queen, a slave crest on his chest.

"I'm truly sorry for this, Sir Erhard. Thank you so much for agreeing to this," the queen said, giving a bow.

"No, don't worry about it. I agreed to come," Erhard said. "Let's just get this over with quick."

Mirellia nodded and stepped back to stand with Melty, along with Malty and Aultcray, who were both still in handcuffs. The heroes of the Bow and Sword stood on her other side, watching expectantly. The knights stood on one side of the room and Naofumi, Raphtalia, and Firo stood on the other.

They all looked at him expectantly as Motoyasu walked up to him with an overconfident expression.

"Alright, Erhard was it? Do you have any evidence that Naofumi, one hundred percent, couldn't have committed this crime?"

Naofumi frowned. _'Honestly, I don't think he does... All he can really do is vouch for me-'_

"As a matter of fact, I do."

Naofumi blinked and looked back at the older man. Erhard gave him a look that could only be described as apologetic.

"I'm really sorry about this, kid."

Naofumi blinked. "Wait, what are you-"

Erhard turned to look at the Spear Hero with a completely deadpan expression. "Until about a month ago, the Shield Hero had no clue what sex was and thought that kissing is how people got pregnant."

The slave crest didn't activate.

...

...

...

Utter silence.

Mirellia dropped her fan.

With a clang, it hit the ground and they all turned to look at the Shield Hero.

Naofumi himself looked like a deer caught in headlights, staring at Erhard wide-eyed. Then his face became completely red as embarrassment overtook him. "YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT!"

"Kid, do you want your innocence proven or not?"

_"NOT LIKE THIS!"_

Mirellia broke out of her stupor first and hurriedly picked up her fan, hiding her face behind it. "O-Oh my..."

"What- But- You- How-" Malty stuttered, staring at him with wide eyes. "HOW OLD ARE YOU?!"

"H-How is this possible...?" Aultcray muttered, slack-jawed. "Even _Melty_ knows about..."

Melty herself clasped her hands over her mouth as she looked at Naofumi, her face slightly red. "T-To think that you were so innocent..."

"N-Naofumi..." Itsuki said, looking a mixture of shocked and incredibly embarrassed for him.

Ren had lost all his composure and just stared at him, gaping.

Motoyasu looked like his brain had just stopped working entirely as he stared at Naofumi, his mouth opening and closing several times, trying to come up with something to say.

The guards started to mumble to one another.

"Did he just...?"

"To think..."

"What kind of world did he come from...?"

"I feel like we've been accusing a toddler of rape..."

The queen coughed, gaining their attention. "I, erm, I trust this is convincing enough for the Spear Hero?"

Motoyasu clamped his mouth shut and nodded, his face now the same color as Naofumi's.

"V-Very good then. The Shield Hero's innocence has been proven."

Naofumi just buried his face in his hands.

Raphtalia tilted her head in confusion. "Wait...so that's _not_ how it works?" She whispered to Firo.

Firo shrugged, looking just as confused.

* * *

On the bright side, Naofumi's reputation as a rapist disappeared that day.

But he wasn't sure that his new reputation as a "pure, innocent virgin" (as Motoyasu put it) was any better...


	3. The Reason

**The (probably) last chapter in this unexpected trilogy.**

**XXX**

_Summary:_

_Question - Why is Naofumi so clueless about sex?_

_Answer - Like most things in life, it's the parents' fault._

* * *

In Naofumi's world, all children took a sexual education course during middle school, around the time when they start to enter puberty.

Of course, due to the content, it was a requirement to get the parents or guardian to sign a permission slip before the fact.

So, one faithful day, an innocent Naofumi, excited about becoming thirteen in a few days time, woke up and came downstairs with that very piece of paper.

He didn't know what a "sexual education" course was, but it this wasn't until next semester, so he didn't care too much.

"Dad!"

"What is it, Naofumi?" His father said distractedly, not looking up from his newspaper, drinking his coffee.

"You and Mom have to sign this. It's for school."

"Alright, let's see what-" The moment his father's eyes landed on the words on the paper, the mug of coffee he was holding fall the the ground, breaking to pieces and spilling the liquid all across the floor.

Naofumi jumped in surprise, but his father didn't look away from what his son had given him. "Oh sh-" He glanced at Naofumi "-crud."

"D-Dad?" Naofumi asked uncertainly. "Is it...something bad?"

His father cleared his throat. "W-We won't know until your mother sees it."

"Sees what?" The voice of his mother came, causing his father to jump while Naofumi just frowned in confusion.

"K-Kaede. Good morning!" Naofumi's father said, a forced smile on his face, the hand holding the permission slip trembling slightly.

Naofumi's mother, Kaede, frowned. "Good morning, Masaru." She glanced at the paper. "And what's that?"

"Uh, well, this is..." He stuttered for a moment before seeming to give up and handing the piece of paper to her.

Kaede took it and her eyes scanned over it.

She went rigid.

Naofumi blinked. "Mom?"

"K-Kaede?" Masaru tried. "Are you al-"

"No."

"Wh-What?"

"My baby is not taking this class."

"N-Now, honey, let's not be too hasty-"

_"I said my baby is not taking this class."_

She turned and began to walk away. Masaru cursed under his breath and hurried after her.

"Kaede, he has to learn about it eventually!"

"I SAID NO! I'M NOT HAVING MY BABY GET KNOCKED UP!"

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, WOMAN!"

"I'LL TEACH HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS TO KNOW WHEN HE'S OLDER!"

"ALL YOU'LL TELL HIM IS THAT KISSING GETS YOU PREGNANT!"

"THAT'S ALL HE NEEDS TO KNOW!"

"KAEDE!"

"I SAID NO DAMMIT!"

Naofumi blinked. "So that's how pregnancy works...

To make a long story short, Kaede burned the permission slip to nothing and Naofumi never took that sexual education class.


	4. The Aftermath

**Due to popular demand and my muse being on sugar-high, here is yet another installment in "The Talk."**

**You all demanded it, so here you go. :D**

**As always, this was written really quick, so any plot holes or inconsistencies are due to that.**

**Enjoy!**

**XXX**

_Summary:_

_It's been a while since the trial, and Naofumi's life has had a lot of changes._

_Which include Motoyasu trying to give him a chastity belt._

_It goes about as well as you'd expect._

* * *

So, apparently, the whole trial had been broadcasted via magic around Melromarc for all to see.

That would have been nice to know beforehand.

Naofumi barely bit back a sigh as he was stopped by what felt like the five-hundreth old lady in a row trying to give him a "basket of goodies." Apparently all the sweet old ladies of Melromarc had a soft spot for twenty-year-olds who'd somehow managed to retain their, uh, _innocence_, for so long.

_'Dammit, Mom, you've ruined my life!'_ He thought as he took the offered item reluctantly. Unfortunately, he also had a soft spot for sweet old ladies. Well, Filo and Raphtalia liked the stuff that was in the baskets, so he'd just give this one to them too.

He was in the middle of waving goodbye to Sweet Old Lady #500(?) when a familiar voice caused him to cringe.

"Hey, Fumi-chan!" The spear hero shouted enthusiastically, popping out of god knows where.

"Shut the hell up, Motoyasu," Naofumi responded with his own customary greeting for the blonde.

"Aw, don't be like that," Motoyasu said cheerfully, patting the raven-haired man's shoulder good naturedly. After his secret had been revealed, whatever aura of menace he had managed to gain was no longer taken seriously by the entirety of the population of Melromarc.

Joy.

"What the hell do you want, anyway?"

"I just saw you and thought I'd say hi! You know, since we're friends now?"

_'And just when the hell did that happen?'_ Naofumi thought, giving Motoyasu an exasperated look.

The other hero, however, didn't notice it as his eyes landed on the basket he was holding. "Oh, what's that?"

Naofumi huffed at being ignored. "Just something some lady gave me."

And in a flash, Motoyasu was suddenly on high alert. "A lady? What lady?"

Naofumi didn't know it, but as he was "the most innocent innocent to ever innocent" (Motoyasu's words, not his), the other heroes had gained a protective streak towards him, especially when it concerned members of the opposite sex.

Naofumi, however, didn't notice said change in the other heroes and just became irritated at having to keep talking to the blonde. "Some old lady. I don't know what her name is."

Motoyasu relaxed as he understood. "Oh, I see!" He then grinned and gave him another clap on the shoulder. "Popular now, aren't you?"

"I swear to god, if you don't stop touching me, I'm gonna sick Firo on you."

Motoyasu immediately let go of his shoulder and put his hands up defensively, a sliver of fear appearing on his face. "Wh-Whoa, whoa! There's no need for that! Firo-chan has kicked me more than enough times!"

Naofumi huffed and, feeling the conversation was over, took a step to leave.

"H-Hey, hold on! I came looking for you for a reason!"

Naofumi cursed under his breath and turned back around to face him. "_What_."

"Well, I've been thinking. You could really use some protection. There are a lot of people out there who have a _thing_ for virgins, sooo..." He smiled and pulled something from god knows where and presented it to him. "I got you this!"

Naofumi blinked.

Was that metal underwear...?

"What the hell is that?"

"A chastity belt!" The spear hero responded proudly.

"...And what the hell is a chastity belt?"

"It's something to protect you from all the perverts out there! Now, here!" He shoved the item into Naofumi's hands and then turned to leave, waving a farewell behind him. "Thank me later! See ya, Fumi-chan!"

"Hey, wait! And stop calling me Fumi-chan!"

But the spear hero was already gone as quickly as he had come.

* * *

Sometime after that encounter, Naofumi happened upon Itsuki and Ren eating at some local restaurant.

_'Well, better than nothing, I guess,'_ he thought, walking over to them.

They both looked up at him, Ren holding up fork with some food on it and Itsuki drinking something.

"Iwatani-san," Ren said. "How are you doing-"

"Do either of you know what a chastity belt is?"

Ren dropped his fork and Itsuki spit out his drink.

"Where-" Itsuki coughed a bit and tried again while Ren just stared at Naofumi in utter horror. "Where did you hear about something like that?!"

Naofumi blinked in surprise and confusion. "Motoyasu."

"Iwatani-san, don't tell me he actually gave you..." Ren trailed off and cursed as Naofumi held up the item for both to see. "That idiot, to think he was serious...!"

"Thank you for telling us, Naofumi-san," Itsuki said, now oddly calm as he stood up and took the chastity belt from Naofumi. "If you'll excuse us, we're going to go have a..._talk_ with Motoyasu. Are you coming, Ren?"

"Yes," the sword-hero said through gritted teeth. _"Definitely."_

Naofumi just blinked and stared as the two walked off, looking about ready to commit homicide.

"...They never told me what it was."

* * *

"Welco- Oh, kid, it's you," Erhard said as Naofumi walked in with a sigh.

The only other two occupants in the room, Raphtalia and Firo, turned to him with smiles on their faces.

"Ah, Naofumi-sama! You're back!"

"Welcome back Master! Did you get what you needed?"

"I have no goddamn idea," was the shield hero's response as he walked over to the chair that Erhard had kept nearby for him ever since he gave him that dreaded talk. He sat down and slumped. "Man, I feel tired..."

Erhard frowned as the two girls looked at Naofumi in concern. "Something happen?"

Naofumi sighed again. "The usual. I got free stuff out of it though, so that's good." He took the basket out and handed it to Firo, who looked overjoyed.

"YAY! I hope it's more muffins!"

"And is that really all that happened? You seem way more tired than usual," Erhard persisted.

Naofumi rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I also ran into that dumbass."

"...The spear hero?" Raphtalia asked.

"Yeah, that one."

"And?" Erhard prompted.

"And he tried to pawn of some 'chastity belt' thing to me," Naofumi huffed, not noticing Erhard freeze. "Still have no idea what that was..."

"...PFFFT! Hahahahaha!"

Naofumi blinked and glared as the man dissolved into a fit of laughter. "H-Hey, what are you laughing about?! Do you know what that thing is?!"

Erhard laughed for a few more seconds, but when he could finally breathe again, he wiped the tears from his eyes and gestured Naofumi to come forward. "Come here, kid, I'll explain it to you."

* * *

About an hour later, Motoyasu was whistling to himself as he walked down the streets of Melromarc, having just restocked his supply of healing items. One of Ren's party members had told him that he and Itsuki were looking for him, so he thought he'd go find them now.

It was weird, though. She seemed kind of scared.

"Hey, Motoyasu."

The blonde blinked at the familiar voice and turned around, smiling when he saw Naofumi walking towards him. "Fumi-chan! How's it-"

And that was all he had time to say before Naofumi kicked him in the balls.


	5. The Secret

**Inspired by Dark007arc.**

**Thank her/him for this monstrosity. :D**

**Once again, this was written really quickly, so any inconsistencies or plot holes are due to that.**

**XXX**

_Summary:_

_Naofumi tries his damndest to keep his dirty secret from his new acquaintances._

_Enter drunk Motoyasu._

* * *

Naofumi remembered the first time he met L'Arc Berg and Therese Alexanderite.

As soon as he had introduced himself, the other man and his companion went into a fit of laughter and said that he couldn't possibly be who he was.

They then went on to drag his name through the mud as they recounted every single rumor, lie, and false charge that had been put onto him, genuinely believing each one.

It was quite possibly the best day of his life.

Holy shit, people who _didn't_ know his embarrassing secret! He didn't know how the hell that was possible at this point, but screw it. He wasn't going to question it.

Of course, he made damn sure that it stayed that way. If they wanted to believe he was some no-name adventurer posing as the Shield Hero for some unnamed profit, then fine. Just as long as the image of the Shield Hero as some kind of evil asshole stayed intact. He realized the irony of the situation, having wanted nothing more than to clear his name before this whole mess, but he had enough of being treated like a goddamn glass statue by everyone he met.

Of course, he made extra sure that no one, especially the other heroes, spilled the beans. He did this, of course, by rounding them all up in a single room and threatening them with a Firo Kick if they so much as breathed in L'Arc and Therese's direction. Safe to say, they agreed.

But, all good things come to an end, as they say.

* * *

"Hey, you're one of Shield-Kiddo's friends, right?"

Motoyasu, completely drunk off his ass, looked up blearily to see a red blurr before him. "Muh? Field-Fido?"

L'Arc smiled a bit. Seeing the blonde like this was kind of funny, honestly. "You know, the guy who claims he's the Shield Hero?"

Motoyasu seemed to think for a long moment before his eyes lit up. "Oh! You mean Fumi-chan!"

The edge of L'Arc's mouth twitched as he tried to keep from breaking out into laughter. Fumi-chan? Oh, he was definitely gonna tease the kid about that one later. "Yeah, him."

"Yeah! We're, like, BFFs!" The blonde said happily, sitting up slightly from his previous position of leaning down over the table. "What about 'im?"

L'Arc arched an eyebrow. BFFs? He had no idea what that meant, but whatever. He sat down at the table with the other man. "I've got a question about him. I was hoping you could answer."

"Sure! I know *hic* all surts of stuffff about Fumi-chan!" Motoyasu slurred, a goofy grin on his face.

"Well, I was just wondering why he's posing as the Shield Hero?"

At this, Motoyasu blinked and tilted his head. "Waddya mean?"

L'Arc sighed and shook his head and looked off to the side, seeming troubled. "I mean, the kid's a good guy, I can tell. So why is he posing as the Shield Hero of all people? That guy's an absolute scumbag! He tried to rape a girl and committed crimes all over your entire kingdom! I just don't get it..."

Motoyasu frowned before his eyes widened in understanding. "Ooooh! Yeah, Fumi-chan got cleared of all that."

"..." L'Arc blinked and turned back to look at him. "Pardon?"

"Yeah! Didn't ya see tha trial? I thought the entire kingdom saww fhat..."

L'Arc's face turned serious and he leaned closer to the other man. "No...I didn't hear about that."

Motoyasu's eyes lit up once again and he suddenly reached somewhere behind him. "Oh! Oh! Dun worry! I got the whoooole thing recorded!"

"Recorded?" L'Arc asked as Motoyasu took out some kind of glass object. L'Arc recognized it. It was some kind of magic item that recorded past events. They were really rare, though. He wondered how he got it.

But the answer to that could wait. He looked intently at the object as Motoyasu started to activate it.

Could that kid be the real Shield Hero?

...He hoped to god he wasn't.

* * *

When Naofumi walked back into the bar a few minutes later, he was greeted by the sight lf Motoyasu holding that _dreaded_ item and L'Arc laughing his ass off.

No.

It couldn't be.

L'Arc noticed him and turned to face him, his face red from laughing and tears rolling from his eyes. "YOU- YOU- YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT-! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And with that, he was gone, falling off his chair and clutching his stomach.

Naofumi stared at him expressionlessly for a long moment before turning to the spear hero. _"Motoyasu."_

The blonde smiled at him. "Fey, Fumi-chan!" His smile slowly disappeared as he noticed the dark glint in the raven-haired man's eyes. "Uh, wut's wrong?"

"Do you remember that promise you made me?" Naofumi asked calmly, completely ignoring the still-laughing L'Arc.

Motoyasu frowned in puzzlement. Then his eyes slowly widened. "Oh... I furgot."

There was a moment of silence (if you could call it that, with L'Arc's laughter still filling the background) as the two stared at each other.

Then Naofumi looked off to the side and shouted, "FIRO! SICK HIM!"

Firo blinked before grinning and transforming into her bird form. "Yes, Master!"

And, as if that was the magic word that rendered booze meaningless, Motoyasu snapped out of his drunken haze, cursed loudly, and shot out the chair and out the door, Firo hot on his heels.

"I CAN'T BREATHE!" L'Arc laughed. "MY STOMACH! IT _HURTS_! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Naofumi whirled around and glared down at him, his face red from embarrassment. "STOP LAUGHING, DAMMIT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

Why was this his life?


End file.
